


Trying To Keep Up With You

by nat_romanoffdanvers



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, F/M, I'm Bad At Titles, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad Mary Malone, Title From An REM Song, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29476308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nat_romanoffdanvers/pseuds/nat_romanoffdanvers
Summary: Mary has loved Marisa for as long as they've known each other.  She watches from afar as a man steals the light of her life from her.
Relationships: Edward Coulter/Marisa Coulter, Marisa Coulter & Mary Malone, Marisa Coulter/Mary Malone
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	Trying To Keep Up With You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here to break hearts and idgaf - Y'all are gonna hate me for this *cue evil laughter* im so sorry

Mary watches her from across the room. Marisa dances freely with Edward, young, graceful and joyous. She let Mary pick out her dress for the occasion - a blue, knee length halter dress that suits her so perfectly. 

Marisa looks so angelic under the lights of the dance floor that Mary can’t take her eyes off her. Her soft brown hair bounces as she spins round and around, smiling. Mary would give anything to be the one with her over there. Instead she watches from a distance, as the woman she loves is swept up by another. 

Marisa’s eyes glisten as brightly as they day they first met. They were the smartest students on their course and they grew so close to maintain that title together. She was the person beside her then, and longed to be the one there now. But Marisa would never see her as anything more than her best friend. 

They had studied together, shared a dorm, graduated together - Mary still remembers the brightest smile on Marisa’s face on that glorious day - and been as close as could be for so long. They barely spent a moment away from each other, even going on to work in the same department at Oxford. Mary had all the time she needed to tell Marisa how she felt. 

Then Edward Coulter stepped into Marisa’s life and spiraled her away from Mary slowly, painfully, and it stung. Of course, it wasn’t his fault - anyone could fall so easily for Marisa’s charms - and Marisa was still there, but Mary felt a loneliness she hadn’t felt in years. Neither Marisa nor Edward noticed how blatantly in love Mary was, as she climbed back into the shell Marisa had coaxed her out of.

Of course Marisa hadn’t been drawn to Edward for love at first, Mary couldn’t really blame Edward for Marisa not reciprocating her feelings, though she desperately wanted to. Edward had so much power, and Marisa wanted to be the one to dazzle in the spotlight with him. But Marisa had become enraptured by Edward, and soon enough Mary was pushed to the side, still there, merely crouching in the pair's shadow. She and Marisa had begun as the ever formidable duo, but Marisa craved the power that Edward brought, leaving Mary stranded. Still, Mary stayed by her side, more reserved, but ever the kind-hearted, gracious friend Marisa knew. 

Mary gazed at Marisa’s smiling figure for a moment more, then placed her drink on a nearby table and wandered outside. 

Edward’s parties were the most glamorous events Mary went to. Even the streamers and banners saying ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD’ looked like they were laced with money and gold. Mary’s Marks and Spencer's bought suit and heels didn’t seem to cut the fine elegance of the whole affair. 

Mary’s absent minded wandering and self-pity is interrupted by the man of the day himself. He’s out of breath when he reaches her, a wide smile on his face.

“Mary! There you are, I wondered if I could ask you something?”

Mary smiles. “Of course.”

“So, I know you’ve known Marisa the longest, and her parents aren’t really in the picture-” He fumbles with something in his jacket pocket. Mary swallows, putting on a brave face. “- I’m going to ask her to marry me. I wondered if I could have your blessing?”

She should say no. She should run over and tell Marisa how she truly feels. Her heart pounds violently against her ribcage. She remembers how happy Marisa was dancing with him. She smiles as brightly as she can at present.

“Of course. You two belong together, Edward. I can’t imagine two people better suited for each other.” 

He beams at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling. The rest of their conversation is a blur to her. 

“Mary,” he says, tugging her into a hug, so tight she can hardly breathe. “Thank you!” And he disappears down the corridor of the house he appeared from. 

Vomit rises and tears prick her eyes. Though when she makes it to the bathroom, nothing comes up. She feels empty, like a pit that you fall down endlessly when you are asleep. Except she is awake, and the pit is closing around her, suffocating her. 

She should’ve said no. Should’ve persuaded him against it for the time being, until Marisa knew the truth. 

The tears finally spill from her eyes, in cascades and unending torrents of emotion. 

Marisa shouldn’t marry him. Marisa is a wild flame that shouldn’t be tamed, and Mary is the spark that lit her. They would burn so bright and violent together they would be unstoppable. Edward is the water that would put Marisa out; destroy all that Mary created, and silence her within seconds. 

But Mary will not stop him. She knows what Marisa wants and it is not her. Her time is over. Mary lit the fire and it is time for Marisa to burn. 

Mary stumbles outside and leans against the parapet, her head bowed to hide the tears and desolation. The stars shining above her twinkle knowingly. They shine almost as bright as Marisa’s smile does, intoxicating and enthralling. They know her sadness, the eternal heartbreak that will never subside. They are the same, really - alone and yet not, doomed to bring light and life and be destroyed in an instant. 

Footsteps bounce down the corridor behind her and someone slips through the door onto the balcony. Mary wipes away her tears hurriedly. 

“Mary?” Marisa’s voice floats like silk through the evening air. “I wondered where you’d got to - Eddie’s about to make a speech. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She puts on the bravest smile she can muster. Mary hopes valiantly that the dark will shelter the tear stains from the light. 

Worry flashes through Marisa’s eyes, flecked with kindness. “Are you sure? You look sad.”

“I’m fine, ‘Isa. Let’s go see what Edward has to say for himself shall we?” 

They link arms, and disappear inside, away from the stars of the night sky. Mary finds comfort in Marisa’s presence, but misses their solace. She gives Marisa a wide, hopeful smile when they enter the main room and she has to join Edward in the spotlight. Mary returns to her spot in the shadows. 

Once the speech is over Edward takes Marisa out onto the terrace, under the stars. He catches Mary’s eye, questioningly. She smiles, and nods. 

She lingers for a moment, then downs her drink.

She awaits the inevitable.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Talk to meh on [Tumblr](https://marisaxcoulter.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lissieee_jade) :)  
> Also if y'all make me feel bad enough about this i may write another chapter 👀 or i'll just leave y'all in pain forever :)))) who knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


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